I Didn’t Know

I didn’t know that when I became a grandma that they would really love me too.  I was afraid that my heart would be so in love with my grands but that it would be give, give, and then who knows.  It was very stressful.  Because I had never been on this road, knowing my children as parents, trying to respect boundaries that I was unsure of…shaky unsure, and wanting it sooo much to be sooo much better than I could imagine or at least  really good, but feeling really vulnerable….because love is so utterly vulnerable.  

I have been Oma (German for older mother, I’m not German but I was told grandma was taken and a friend was Oma and her husband Opa, I liked the sound) for three years now and my whole world has changed.  Now there is THE SECRET WORLD OF OMA AND OPA, where special toys are kept at hand in a special room with special beds for special people who are small but feel very big at Opa and Oma’s house because secrets can be shared safely there (one of my grands is now 7…he came into my world three years ago), and there are pancakes, and chocolate cakes to be made, and stories to be read and dirt to dig,  and sandcastles to build AND when I hear my new name I hear all of our love and memories and irreplaceable moments in the voices who belong to me in a way that no one else can feel and the fact is it is worth suffering through the pain of the unknown boundaries, and utter vulnerability of loving to receive the joy that comes in the morning because of love done well.